Can One Really Find Themselves While Traveling, or Is It an Empty Promise?

Today I read something about finding yourself while traveling and here are my thoughts…

Many people talk about finding themselves like it is some kind of reachable goal. Where have you gone that you need to find yourself? Who are you now if not yourself? And when exactly will you know that you have found yourself? Almost like you will walk around a corner in Bali and “BAM!” there you will be. Okay maybe not quite, but still these are all the same kind of existentialist questions people claim to find the answers to while travelling.

And the more I think about it, the more I am not sure whether I really found myself or lost myself in travel.

When I started traveling, I was holding on to my home self quite a bit. I was pretty introverted and felt anxious talking with many strangers, so hostel life was a big adjustment at first. Coming straight out of that “cliquey” atmosphere of high school, I was nervous walking up to groups of new people. Every time my instinct was that they would not want to talk with me, but I actually found the opposite.

First of all, being in a country, on my own, there was a new feeling of freedom that I felt when creating the way I lived. I no longer felt constricted to the personality I had built in my hometown. I know I had created these constrictions for myself and I could have changed at home, but they seemed to disappear, unhesitantly, once I was on my own.

Second, these were parts of my personality that I was actually letting go. I had found nothing new, only let go of any boundary that I used to set for myself. My home self (as I will call it for lack of a better word) was the first thing I lost while traveling.

Another thing I lost was culture.

Being in hostels constantly engulfed me in new cultures. The hostels were a melting pot of accents, expressions, habits, food, clothes, perspectives and ideas. I was always taking in something new, and I loved it. I was losing a lot of the American ideals of happiness that never seemed to really bring happiness anyways. Work. Save. Spend. Repeat.

Here people were living off-grid. Growing their food in their gardens. Building sustainable homes. Living day by day. And they were incredibly happy.

I was lost in their happiness. Stunned that life existed outside of constant stress, busyness, depression, etc. I lost myself taking in a new culture.

I lost a sense of direction in myself.

In school, there had never been a time I was not supposed to be planning ahead. Short term, I had to be studying for the next test, finishing the next assignment, planning for next year’s classes. Long term, I was supposed to be thinking about college, what I would major in, and what career to pursue after graduation. I mean, as a freshman in high school, 15 years old, I was asked many times what I wanted to study in college.

And for the first time, I had no direction. No planning, no worrying over what my life was going to look like in 15 years.

Just living in the now. Fully enjoying every moment, breathing it in like it was my last. Never did a week pass me by without being able to remember my favorite part about each day.

And when I lost myself in this way, I grew so much. No I didn’t find myself- I am still not sure this is possible- but I did change.

I guess if you really wanted to, one could say that by losing myself, I found myself. But, to be honest I hope that, despite how much I have felt myself change while traveling, that this is not me. I don’t want to find myself, but to continue to change based on what I learn. And this is what traveling really can do for you.

It drops you into situations that force you into learning. It forces you to grow. Constantly. You are always evolving, and this is why you will not find yourself traveling, but I promise you will change yourself in some way.

And if you do happen to find yourself, just try not to hold onto it too tightly because you might find something you like a little bit more.

One Day to Write the World is a project I started in June this year after coming home from just over a year of travel. I am writing to keep myself busy as I am home in this time, to keep an adventurous spirit alive, to write poetry, travel stories, publish photos and keep the creativity going! As a part of this project I am writing and sharing one thing a day about any topic, hoping maybe it will reach someone who could be helped by it! :)

happy living!

jada reese